Zootopia: Nick Kidnaps Mr Big
by The Mr E
Summary: What would happen if the "Ice 'Em" scene played out differently? What would happen if Nick Wilde kidnapped Mr. Big and held him hostage in an attempt to survive? Crazy stuff. That's what happens. Rated K plus for mildly portrayed threats of physical harm.


**I hope you're having a merry Christmas!**

 **Characters to Note:**

 **Koslov: I'm sure you remember him - he's the polar bear who carried Mr. Big onto the scene when the shrew first appeared. Yup, Disney actually gave him a name. He's not a mere, miscellaneous side character. Even though he doesn't have a speaking role in the Zootopia, you can hear his Russian accent in deleted scenes where he plays a bigger part. In earlier drafts of the movie, Koslov filled Mr. Big's role as crime boss of Tundratown. I don't think his name is ever explicitly mentioned in the final version of Zootopia.**

 **Honey Badger: Another character with a much bigger role in earlier drafts of the Zootopia story. Ultimately, she evolved into the minor character, Dr. Madge Honey Badger. Like Gazelle, her name was identical to her species. A friend of Nick's, she was a conspiracy theorist obsessed with sheep. She had her own secret bunker and anti-sheep weapons such as mechanical shearers.**

* * *

" **Ice 'em!"**

That raspy, slightly high-pitched command sent chills running up and down Nick's spine. In that moment, something snapped. Driven by desperation, Nick lunged forward and grabbed Mr. Big before the callous hands of a polar bear could seize him. Judy was not so lucky, however, as she was snatched up by one of Mr. Big's employees regardless.

" **DON'T ANYBODY MOVE!"** Nick shouted as he backed away from the polar bear henchmen. **"I HAVE MR. BIG!"**

"The grave grows deeper by the second, Nick," Mr. Big nonchalantly declared, before the fox covered his mouth with a finger.

" **Don't come any closer, or I will CRUSH him! You got that!?"** Nick shouted shakily. **"Now put down Carrots, I-I mean Judy!"**

The polar bears did not attack, but they did not relinquish Judy either.

"Um … Nick?" the rabbit began. "They're not letting go. Maybe you should intimidate a little harder."

Nick just stood there, eyes bulging out of his head, terrified beyond his wits as he considered his options.

Then he dashed through the door. **"EVERY MAMMAL FOR HIMSELF!"**

" **NICK!"** Judy shouted.

"Fox does not leave place alive!" Koslov, the biggest of the polar bears, declared in a thick Russian accent.

Nick could hear the thundering paws of bears in pursuit as he ran through the many corridors of Mr. Big's large, not-so-humble home.

He slipped into what turned out to be a bathroom with amenities clearly designed for polar bears. Nick climbed onto the toilet and looked through the window. Outside, more of Mr. Big's minions combed the garden in search of him.

The bears' pounding footsteps in the halls grew near. To top it off, Mr. Big had managed to slip his mouth from under Nick's finger, and used it to bite the fox like nobody's business.

Nick stifled a scream. The footsteps grew closer. Even with Mr. Big chowing down on his finger, Nick's vulpine mind was still moving at the speed of light, trying to figure out the best way to escape this situation. He thought of one. It was not pretty, but he had no other choice.

When the bears barged into the bathroom, the only thing they heard was the gurgle of a massive toilet recently flushed.

* * *

 **"AAAAHHH!"** Nick screamed as he awoke on a bed in a cold sweat.

"Oh, oh great," he panted. "It was only a nightmare."

"Nightmare's not over, Nick," Mr. Big calmly proclaimed.

Nick looked to the side to see the shrew tied up and blindfolded on the pillow beside his head.

"Let me fill you in on what happened within the last few hours," Mr. Big began. "Under the influence of panic, you temporarily lost your sanity as you escaped through the sewers like a wild animal. It's a miracle none of my men found you when you surfaced. It's also a miracle you had the presence of mind to tie up, muzzle and blindfold me before reaching your destination and passing out. After that your friend, whoever she is, relocated us and hosed off the sewage stench. Do you see this suit that I'm wearing, Nick? It was brand new. No amount of hosing or professional cleaning can restore it. You have deeply inconvenienced me. Are you satisfied? I hope so, because when I get my retribution, it will be sure to make it all the more satisfying."

Nick shuddered as he sat up in his bed and tried to ignore Mr. Big's threat. He looked around, taking in the bedroom. It appeared to be a barrack – something you would see in the military.

"You said a 'friend' of mine brought us here?" asked Nick.

"I thought **_you_** were crazy when you snapped in the sewers, but **_your friend?"_** Mr. Big whistled to indicate that her craziness was at a whole new level. "She cackled every time I tried to talk to her and treated me with the utmost indignity."

Suddenly, the door to the bedroom crashed open and there stood a stout honey badger in a tank top with green camouflage patterns. With khaki pants held in place by an olive-green tool belt, she was wearing the filth and crumbs caked in her fur as much as she was wearing anything else. The military-like dog tag around her neck suggested that, like a soldier, she was ready to face the possibility that she might kick the bucket any time, any place.

Nick began to acknowledge her by name. "Hon-?"

" **No! Shush!"** she interrupted. "Don't let the little scum bag know my name! If he escapes, he'll tell his sheep buddies who I am and I'll lose the element of surprise!" she rubbed her hands together gleefully. **"Finally!** Solid proof that I was right! The moment I found you unconscious at my doorstep with this teacup sheep tied and blindfolded in your hands, I _**KNEW**_ the sheep had finally staged their global insurrection!"

Nick rubbed his face with his palm. Yes, this honey badger was his 'friend'. Appropriately, her name was actually Honey. She was a hard core conspiracy theorist, and for whatever reason every single conspiracy theory she had concocted revolved around one thing:

Sheep.

In her mind, right down to the apocalypse, sheep were the root of all evil.

"So," began Honey. "Which of those woolly monsters has you on the run? Is it Assistant Mayor Bellwether? **It** _ **IS,**_ **isn't it!?** I bet she's shooting predators with psychotropic serums that cause them to go savage, destroying the relationship between prey and predator so that she can rise to power over Zootopia!"

Nick was not in the mood for this. "Look, what I'm going through right now has nothing to do with the Bahpocalypse, okay?"

Honey narrowed her eyes at him, not appreciating the pun.

Then she pretended to laugh. "Ha! Ha! That's hilarious, Nick Wilde! I really like the way you combined 'bah', the onomatopoeia for the sound sheep make with the word Apocalypse! _**Blatant**_ sarcasm! I love it! In fact, why don't we _**ALL**_ make light of serious issues, such as global warming, famines in the third world **and the concerning decisions of President Trump!? Why don't we just laugh it all off! That'll make the world a better place, RIGHT?!"**

Nick looked at her funny (which was a pretty common thing). "Who in the world is President Tru-? Never mind that. Right now, I need to find someplace safe."

Honey grinned. "It doesn't get safer than this."

With that, she extended her arm to the door, beckoning him out of the room. Nick got out of bed, picked up Mr. Big and exited the sleeping chamber.

"Welcome to my **secret bunker!"** Honey proudly exclaimed.

Nick gawked as he took in his surroundings. It really was a bunker, and from the looks of it, it was something even the army could appreciate.

" **You actually have a bunker?"** Nick asked in shock. "I mean, I know you've mentioned it before, but I thought you were just talking crazy!"

Honey laughed. "C'mon, Nick. When do I ever talk crazy?"

Nick decided not to answer that question. "So, are you sure this place is safe?"

"I'm telling you, _**NO ONE**_ will find us here!" Honey declared as she marched over to a weapon rack. "And given that no one knows where we are, let's just say I can get away with a _**lot**_ of things!"

She picked up what looked like a monstrous sheep-shearing machine, pulled a drawstring like that of a chainsaw and it fired up, blades flailing about dangerously.

Mr. Big raised a bushy eyebrow with little concern for whatever she was about to do.

"Now, here's how it's gonna work, teacup sheep," Honey began, speaking to Mr. Big. "I'm gonna ask you questions about the sheep conspiracy, and you're gonna answer them. If not, well, this shearing machine can cut more than just wool."

"Wait, wait, wait," Nick began. "You think this guy's a sheep?"

"Of course he is," Honey stated. "He's of the teacup variety, disguised as a shrew to boot."

Nick attempted to use some good old logic. "What makes you _think_ he's a sheep?"

"I did a DNA test," Honey explained.

"Did the DNA test _say_ he's a sheep?" Nick pushed.

"No," Honey admitted. "Actually, it said he's a shrew. That just shows the level of deception we're dealing with! He must be some kind of sheep-shrew chimera carrying two different sets of DNA! That's why I'm doing a few more tests, **but enough talk! ON WITH THE INTERROGATION!"**

She pulled the draw string to the monster shearing machine and let loose a maniacal cackle as its engine snarled like a beast.

" **Whoa!** Easy there," Nick instructed. "I think the 'teacup sheep' is ready to comply. Besides, I need him alive."

Honey's wild, green eyes lit up as she deactivated her weapon. "Ooh! So this is a hostage situation? Pretty slick, Nick!"

The suave smile that had eluded the fox for panic-ridden hours had returned to his face. Finally, things were coming together.

Nick turned to Mr. Big and asked: "Do you see where this is heading?"

"I see that she is categorically insane," the shrew commented.

" _ **Precisely!"**_ Nick agreed. "If I were you, I'd be itching for a truce because, heh heh, there is _**no**_ telling what my friend will do if you don't cooperate! So how 'bout it, Mr. Big?"

Honey's eyes popped. "What did you just call him?"

"Mr. Big," Nick repeated. "You know, from Tundratown?"

Honey's expression froze on her face. Then she marched towards the weapons rack, put down the shearing machine, headed for a ladder and began to climb it to the bunker's exit hatch.

Nick's brow furrowed in confusion. "Where are you going?"

"The bunker's yours," Honey declared. "I'm gonna be out of the country for the next week, give or take eighty years."

Nick began to freak out. **"You're** _ **LEAVING**_ **me?!** Wha-what about the bunker? I thought you said no one would find it!"

"When I said 'no one', I was talking about 'people'," Honey explained. "People are living things with actual _**souls!**_ Even sheep fall under that category, but Mr. Big?" She shook her head. " **Nuh uh.** He ain't got no soul. Oh, and don't forget to say 'hi' to my Great Grand Mama, Gracie, who passed away a few years ago. Enjoy the afterlife!"

With that, Honey scampered up the ladder, opened the hatch, climbed out and slammed it behind her.

Nick froze, stupefied. The bunker was engulfed in stifling silence, but soon Mr. Big's raspy, little voice broke that silence as he began to sing hauntingly:

"Dead maaaan walking. Dead maaaan walking."

" **Will you stop that?!"** Nick shouted before trying to exercise some sophistication and self-control. "Look, you're a smart guy. With your diminutive stature, you'd have to be smart to get to the top of the Tundratown food chain. I respect that, and I know you want this whole … _unpleasantness_ to end. Let's just forget this ever happened and call it a day, okay?"

Mr Big turned away dismissively. "I don't make deals with dead men. They often find it difficult to hold up their end of the bargain."

Nick's jaw dropped. **"Do you realize you are in the PALM OF MY PAW!? I could END you** _ **JUST LIKE THAT!"**_

Mr. Big looked at him, or rather he would have been looking had he not been blindfolded. Then he lowered his head as if in surrender.

"Take me home, Nick," Mr. Big requested, almost pleaded. "I want to be with my family. I want to see my newlywed daughter."

Nick lowered his head as well as he began to empathize. "I understand that. I understand that this has been a less-than-ideal experience. I honestly never intended to come to your house and bother you. Let's just forget about this, okay? I'll get out of your hair and you won't ice me. Deal?"

Mr. Big released a rasping grunt and shook his head. "No deal."

Nick was flabbergasted. **"WHAT!?"**

"You have caused me too much grief," the shrew explained. "The best I can do is put you out of your misery quickly."

Nick massaged his temple and chuckled in frustration. "I thought you said you wanted to see your daughter."

"Let's 'get real' for a second, as they say," Mr. Big began. "I am the shrew who subjugated Tundratown. Nothing in Zootopia escapes my eye, but _you?_ You're a small fry, a pipsqueak, a _ **rat.**_ Whatever happens, at the end of the day I'm gonna walk, and you're gonna **croak."**

Nick raised an ear and looked around as he heard a high-pitched ring tone.

"Apparently my phone survived the sewers," Mr. Big stated. "It'd do you well to answer it."

Nick dug through the tiny creature's pocket with his claws and pulled out the smartphone. It was miniscule, of course, but somehow he managed to answer it with the tip of his nail. Luckily, his powerful ears were enough to hear what came from the small phone.

"Mr. Big?" rumbled the heavily accented voice of a polar bear on the phone.

"Uh, no," the fox answered, seeing this as a bargaining opportunity. "But, if you want to talk to Mr. Big, perhaps we can work out a deal."

"Koslov does not make deals with dead men," the bear declared.

Suddenly, chaos broke out in the background. Nick heard several polar bears. He also thought he heard Judy. With shouts of pain, vicious battle cries and breaking objects, it sounded like an all-out brawl. Nick didn't particularly like Judy, but if she was somehow trying to face down a room full of polar bears, he only hoped that her end would be quick and painless.

" **She is loose again?"** Koslov exclaimed. **"How can tiny bunny be beating all of you!? FINE!** Koslov will handle it."

A few seconds later, the bear's squeals of anguish filled Nick's ear.

"L-let go Koslov's pinkie finger! P- _ **please!"**_ the bear begged.

"Not until you agree to let Nick and me off the hook!" Judy demanded.

"K-Koslov told you!" the bear practically sobbed in pain. "Koslov does not make deals with … with dead men!"

With that, Koslov began to bawl.

"Hey, stop crying!" Judy snapped. "Agree to let Nick and I off the hook! ** _Then_** you have my permission to cry!"

"Koslov!" called a high-pitched female voice. "Is that Daddy on the phone? …? Hey, I remember you! You're the bunny that saved my life the other day – from that giant doughnut!"

"Yeah, that's me," Judy confirmed. "Ooh! I love your jacket!"

"Aww, thank you!" the little voice replied. "I'm Fru Fru, Mr. Big's daughter. What brings you here, and why do you have Koslov's pinkie in a headlock?"

"I'm investigating the disappearance of Emmitt Otterton," Judy explained, "And, uh, sad to say but all the clues kinda point to your dad. Maybe he … _iced him?"_

"What? No!" Fru Fru exclaimed. "Daddy would never do that! Emmitt is like family! Hey, was Daddy gonna ice _you?"_

"Well, yeah," Judy confirmed. "Though I _was_ kind of all up in his face."

" **Please!** Let Koslov go!" the polar bear whined.

Judy whispered the bear an apology: "Sorry. Hang in there big guy. I'm still negotiating."

"Is that Daddy on the phone?" asked Fru Fru.

"Actually, its Nick," corrected Judy. "He's helping me solve the case … and holding your dad hostage … sorry."

Fru Fru sounded annoyed. "Lemme guess – and Koslov's tryin' to hold _**you**_ hostage in return but you ended up holding _**him**_ hostage instead? **Enough with this mafia drama!** The phone's on loudspeaker, so I'm guessin' you can hear me, right Nick?"

"Right," the fox confirmed.

"Is Daddy there? Can I speak to him?" asked Fru Fru.

Nick smiled. "Not a problem."

With that, the fox lifted Mr. Big close to his ear and held the phone between their heads, allowing both of them to hear the conversation. It didn't take long for Fru Fru to explain Judy's role in saving her life, and demand that the rabbit and the fox not be iced.

"The bunny has done me a great service," Mr. Big agreed. "I will help her find the otter, but Nick has disrespected me for the last time. I'm sure she won't mind having him out of her hair."

"Actually, I would mind," interrupted Judy.

"And why is that?" asked Mr. Big. "Why bother save him?"

"Because that's what we do at the ZPD – we save lives," Judy stated earnestly.

Nick was at a loss for words. He couldn't believe that Judy had defended him so willingly after he had made her life miserable and abandoned her to top it off.

"Besides!" Fru Fru added. "You were gonna ice Judy's friend! **Of** _ **course**_ he's gonna 'disrespect' you if it means stayin' alive!"

Mr. Big grunted thoughtfully. "Very well. I will pardon Nick, on one condition."

"What's that?" asked the fox.

Mr. Big turned to him. "You have to find Emmitt Otterton, and you have to help him any way you can."

"We saw the claw marks in your car," Nick noted. "Do you know what attacked him?"

" _ **He**_ attacked," Mr. Big stated ambiguously.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and Merry Christmas!**

 **If you wish, review and share your opinion of this story.**


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